Unmistakable, Undeniable, Unconditional.

I suppose I should start out with by apologizing for not getting any of my posts up from New Orleans. Although I think a lot of them were convictions and I didn't get a chance to pull out a notebook and start writing they are still imprinted in my heart. Probably within the next week I'll be getting pictures online, and some posts up about it. I hope!

Anyway I feel kind of frustrated at this point, so God I pray that you lift everything off my heart and fill me only with You God, because You are all that I need. Take my burdens, and all my cares away. Help me to praise You in every moment, and thank You, and bring glory and honor to you in all the ways that I can.

Today was pretty spectacular. I made some new friends, and got to spend some time with my sister and her family. For about the last month in a half I've been attending church with them. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my church, my pastors, and the people there, and I in no way intend to make them feel that my church is not where I belong! I love worshiping my almighty God, and I believe He deserves to be worshiped every second I'm alive no doubt. I'm learning the way I best worship God is through music. I just thirst to do it. I love being engulfed in a song, and know that God enjoys it even more then I do when my heart is lost in the words being spoken directly to Him! This church allows strong messages, fellowship with family, praise to my Almighty God, open doors to taking me in, and a beautiful band I could sing my heart out too. So in many cases I'd say it's a win-win-win-win-win.

Today was a pretty great service, and following it was an equally great picnic. I got a chance to meet some new people which is always good, but I specifically wanted to share ONE person I met today that I know God has a huge heart for. You see this guy is unlike any guy I have ever met, and to some people being unique seems to be a turn off. This kid is one of a kind and incredible. Well I shouldn't say kid. He's no more of a kid then I am considering we are the same age. His mind is extraordinary. First off the way he worships with all of himself is one thing, and the way he thinks is in every way outside of the box is another, and I really admire him for that! His creativity is a true talent from God, and it's quite obvious he isn't wasting it. He brought our conversation from super powers, to hobbies, to views on dating, to wedding ideas, to you name it. You're probably thinking to yourself "WOW, talk about unusual for meeting someone for the first time." Honestly I can say not one minute of it was either. "Why?" you might ask. Because this guy was being WHOLEheatedly himself. It didn't matter what he said. He wasn't trying to impress me in anyway. He didn't feel like he had to fit up to some unreachable standard. He just said what his mind and his heart led him to say, and in so many ways I believe that he isn't letting the world conform him to believe he has to be some "super person".

I know that a couple of years ago before I understood the importance of God I would of never understood why he worships the way he worships, and I might of thought that the way he thinks is to far outside the box, but I know that God is wholeheartedly pleased with it. It wasn't some mixed up mistake that he has such a broad view of things, and such a great imagination! Honestly if there wasn't something such as an imagination where would we be today? No one would of been brave enough to make music, invent light bulbs, draw pictures, ect. God is in no way ashamed of anyone he made. In fact God made everybody in a way that brings glory to Him. He planned the way He wanted each of us to be before we were even woven in the womb of our mothers. I believe that God smiles down in this kid everyday, and doesn't even think twice about the love he has for him, or why he was made the way he was, because in the eyes of God he is a man who through His son was made whole, and through His son was made His, and I think each day when the sun rises and sets the love He has for him only increases...

I know if you read this you'll know who you are, and I thank you times a million for being yourself, and God's shining light, and teaching me something unmistakable, undeniable, and unconditional. :) I hope everything posted here wasn't taken in a way that was hurtful because I couldn't say a bad thing about you! Stay cool!

Thoughts:
Be proud enough of who God created you to be to express yourself. Be humble enough  to be slow to speak and quick to listen! Pray often. Listen to your heart. Be a friend always. Seek God, and know you can never love to much.

Excitement...?

I'm leaving tomorrow for New Orleans! I'm still sort of numb to all of the feelings around me. I know it'll hit me harder tomorrow probably when I actually step foot on the bus.

I am excited for spending intimate time with God because I can never get enough of it, and also growing in my faith with friends on the trip! Lately I've been realizing how incredibly important it is to get people on fire for Him, and plant a seed in there lives for God to nurture. In my eyes the world is going downhill fast, and boy is it starting to scare me. I can't wait to get fueled up and take off.

On another note, traveling is one of my weaknesses. Alexandria is my comfort zone. I love the community here. I love that everything I need is right here in this small place. God. Family. Friends. I always told my parents that when I grow up this is where I will live. Over time I've decided that if God leads me elsewhere then that's where I'll go. I truly believe that God is leading me to be here for this experience, and that it's happening only because of Him. This place of travel won't be home, but it'll be comfortable because I've got God holding me up and plenty of His community with me.

I will be keeping a journal each night, and post up thoughts once I return!

Be blessed my friends.

P.s. Dear my very special PA friends the Schmoyers! I'll be in the same time zone as you guys for a while on the way there. Yes! :) I love you guys! Stay cool!

Into the arms of God...

Today my Grandma could've slipped into the arms of God.

2 sheriffs
2 ambulance
1 response team
1 house full of family, police, and response team members
1 unresponsive Grandma

Morning thoughts...
It's scary to see someone you love in such a lifeless state, and as soon as they could get her to respond she looked at me and smiled. Since then each time she has smiled at me I have been scared that it's going to be the last, but I gotta take each moment at a time. On another note the response team was great. I needed someone to return a smile here and there to reassure me it was all ok. Nobody else was about ready to offer me that. They were friendly, talkative, and even cracked some lame jokes. Talk about my kind of people in a situation like this.

Afternoon thoughts...
I hate this room. I hate many things about it. I especailly hate the thought that on the other side of the room blocked off by a curtain was the room that my cousin Kortni Botzet was pronounced dead in. In a way it feels like defeat, but I can see God sitting at the end of the bed. I wonder what He's thinking. I wonder if He is preparing to call her home. I'm waiting for the doctor to come in. My Mom left me for some time alone with my grandma. He wants to send her home. Honestly I am pretty angry about it. Let me just tell you my friend that is NOT HAPPENING, but my mom said nothing I say as a 16 year old girl will matter. I realize I can't do anything alone. I prayed to God that the doctor would have a change in heart, but for now I plan in everyway to stick up for my grandma, she isn't well enough to go home, so for now I sit next to her and try to process this.

10 minutes later...
The doctor is here! No other adults here oh boy... He walked into the room and smiled and said I have decided to admit her to the hospital. I loved the look on his face as I asked if the insurance would cover it because I think he thought I was to young to comprehend it. He said "Yes." which was a complete blessing because that is what was holding us back from keeping her there, and holding her back from wanting to be there. Prayer answered. Thanks God.

Night thoughts...
I am exhausted. We helped her get comfortable in her room, and visited with her some more as she tried to keep supper down. She is in some pain, but should feel a little better tomorrow. I realize that if my Aunt had not been with her, she would have slipped into the arms of God. I guess God is giving us a little more time to be blessed with her. I encourage you to call your grandparents tell them you love them. Give them a hug, and appreciate them for the people they are.

Focus on your giants- you stumble, focus on God- your giants tumble.

Make God the center.

Randomness...

A mixture of thoughts have been stacked on my mind. Here are some for you...

-I have been so incredibly blessed this summer. My prayer is that I could understand it.

• Let me just tell you I have been blessed with the best 'job'. Now you may be sitting in your chair thinking "NO way. Mine is cooler." Sorry to burst your bubble buddy but.... :) I actually get paid for jumping on a trampoline, getting tackled and hugged, laughing, and spending time with some of thee greatest and most inspirational kids ever. Who would've ever thought that was a job? Truthfully I feel somewhat guilty about it, but I'm not letting these moments slip through my fingers like sand... I love you Coley, Allie, and Braidster. 
• Today I passed my driver's test! Before my test I was nervous to the point I could of actually thrown up, but after I prayed for strength, comfort, and guidance I could feel God's presence all around me, and God helped me get past everything as it came. My first ride on my own was to an FCA camp meeting, and for real my first thoughts as I hopped in that car were "I AM SO LONELY!" Really the feeling of loneliness wore off fast, because I knew in every way God was sitting in the passenger seat ready to take that wheel at any moment. It's truth.  Thank you! Glory to you my God. I'm so blessed to know you. You rock. I can't wait for all our road trips together.  
• In less then a week now I will be leaving for New Orleans. I am overly excited, and completely blessed with this opportunity. It'll be over a week and a half of intense deepness, and intimate time with God. My plans are to keep a journal daily. I know I'll have tons of thoughts to jot down. I'm hoping when I return I'll post them up here. I'm not sure how I'll feel about it once I realize the intensity of it, and actually trying to place words for it, but I'll just have to wait to see where God wants me to go.
• Speaking of Coley previously...this just reminded me. Cole will be going for a test July 20th to see if the cancer has backed off or progressed. If all is well then his port comes out July 21st! I would just like to encourage you to pray for him, his family, and the doctors. He's come a long ways, and I realize every single day I get to spend time with him, and his family now, as all my other friends, and people, it is a blessing. Don't take it for granted.

Not much deepness here, or organization, or well you get the picture that my mind is like an exploded filing cabinet. :) Anyways take some time, realize your blessings, lay 'em out. Thank God. Do what you need to do.  

Stay cool. Go serve our KING.

Sixteen! Dating..?

I remember a few years back asking my mom how old I had to be before I could date. Her reply was "I don't know. Probably sixteen." To that I agreed and laid it mostly at rest. To be completely honest, and as embarrassing as it is to say, for a while I actually looked forward to turning sixteen for partly that reason. I was so quick, and ready to rush to grow up I forgot that it takes a ton of responsibility with it.

First, I would like to say to my mom if I say a boys name once or twice, or maybe even three times it does not mean I have a crush on him, or like him in any way more then a friend!

Dear brother, if I mention a guys name once or twice, or maybe even three times it DOES NOT mean you have to tease me about him for the REST of my life. :)

Well now I'm sixteen, and confident to say my view on dating since I asked that question to my mom has changed immensely. In simple, I don't want to date. I truly view dating as a game. Not saying that everyone uses it that way, but I feel a fair amount do. I often see many use it to find a shallow emotional connection, and a deeper physical connection, and with that the relationships only satisfies for a short amount of time, and leads the person astray from who he/she fully was.

To lay it out.

• I believe dating should be a very sincere thing. 
• I think it should in no way be treated like a marriage such as living at each others houses, sharing finances, ect. 
• I don't think dating should happen until you are able to actually make a commitment to that person. For example, I am sixteen. I can't get married now anyway, or make the commitment to it, so instead I can build up my relationship with God, and friendships.
• I do believe that God does have a special person in mind for each of us, unless otherwise called. 
• I think premature dating causes you to focus to much on an earthly relationship and can take time away from seeking God especially in the teenage years. 
• I also believe premature dating can affect the person you are suppose to be, and can hinder the plans both you and God had in mind for you life by compromising to much in order to make the relationship work. 
• I strongly think that a dating relationship should come from a strong friendship where you are aware of who the other person is at heart. 
• Lastly, I believe it will be a calling from God when the time is right, and when God has placed him/her in your life.

In no way do I wish to push these views on you. When I was younger I didn't think they would shift this much, but at that age then again I never really understood the meaning behind it.

Just some thoughts. Pray about it. Pray for your future spouse that God is guiding them, and they are building their relationship with God. Pray for them to stay pure and patient while you are on your journeys without each other.

Have a good day! :)

Dear Dad and Mom,

My Mom recently confronted me asking why none of my family has made it into this blog. Well here you are Mom. You are now in my blog.

Dear Dad and Mom,
      How are you? I probably should start with that because I don't ask you that enough. I'm sorry. You come to ask me that everyday, and my answer is always the same. "Good." Short and simple, yet you still take the time to care and ask. Thanks.
      I've come to learn over the last two years that you, my family, are the hardest to witness my faith too, and certainly are some of the first I should be trying too. Trust me I'm trying, but it takes small steps, and not the normal giant leap I try to take. I hope sometime in the future you notice a change in my heart if you haven't already.
     I'm slowly growing up and becoming more independent. In many ways I lack maturity. I know. I understand that a lot of decisions I still can't make on my own even though I try. I remember at the end of sixth grade I had thoughts of transferring to Discovery Middle School, and no matter what I did to try to convince you your solid answer was that I was staying at Zion. I was more then ready for a change in scenery, and worried no one would want to be my friend as a new girl in a class of 300 transferring over in ninth grade. I won't ever regret your decision to keep me at Zion. Yet again you were right. It's where I by all means belonged, because those were the years I was most rocky. I'm sorry I don't always listen to you, because I think I know what's better for me, but I know God blessed me with you guys so He could guide me through you while I am away from Him.
    This is barely the beginning of this letter, but it's a start. I'll have plenty more to add to it over time.
I love you guys. Welcome to my blog. :)

Weeds.

These days of summer have been of easy living I must say.
I just got back from a run. Quite honestly I'm not so happy with it, but with this it got me to thinking...

I'd like to think of negative things as weeds, and the positive things as flowers. In my case of running today there are more weeds. If you haven't noticed before weeds will often take over a garden if it isn't well taken care of. Just a thought. How would you like your garden to look? How would you like your garden to portray God?

The same goes for our relationship with Christ. This time weeds being sin, and flowers being anything that makes our relationship with God grow. If we let to much sin or even to much unconfessed sin into our lives, and let temptation, and the devil grab a hold of us, then the beautiful flowers will become wilted, abandoned and overpowered, and soon the the flowers will become hidden. I think this is where black and white becomes gray, and where right and wrong doesn't really matter.

It's important to keep a steady focus on the goal, and it's important to weed out anything you can that puts a blocking wall between you and God. In many ways today I could have eliminated many things on the negitive outlook side. I could have taken a different path, took my inhaler, and decreased my distance, but sometimes just doing it the hard way is what is takes to learn. Just some thoughts. Take what you can. Apply what you will.

Stay cool.