Saturday, May 8, 2010

A New Grasp On His Love...

God. What a guy! Alpha. Omega. Redeemer. Friend. His love stretches from sea to sea, from sunrise to sunset, to I don't even know! As I've been thinking over this week, I was trying to come up with a recap of blessings. I could talk about given strength, joy, family, friends, hope, but the one that sticks out to me is unconditional love. I expected in a week of sadness a lot of dark would lay, but as always the unexpected came to be. The light I'd seen had been much brighter then thought.

Warning: This post will be kind of long. A update. Some stories. Thoughts.

As the week went by I'd say the beginning was the easiest. I can't really say I understood, whether it was denial or shock, that she left this earth until Wednesday morning, then it started sinking in big time. I couldn't decide whether attending the wake (viewing) or the funeral would be a wise idea or not. I didn't want my last memories of her at such a young age to be of her lying in a casket. None the less, I decided to go. No regrets. It was for sure a part of the healing process to be with family feeling the same things.

As I walked into the wake more realization was forced to set in. As I stood in the middle of the funeral home I looked in all directions. I counted four Kleenex boxes. JUST from one position of standing. FOUR KLEENEX BOXES. Talk about a lot of two-ply tissues! Not only that it looked to be there was already a box or two worth laying in the garbage can I passed by previous to seeing Kortni. As I walked up to the entrance of the gathering room I understood the reason for the Kleenex's...

Approaching her I looked at the cards made for her by her classmates, donated flowers and trees, and at last there her body laid. Lifeless. I stood there emotionless for a while trying to remember as much as I possibly could of her facial features, her long blonde hair, and her closed (bright blue) eyes. Nextly, it was time to walk over to my cousins (her parents) share our sorrows and hope with them. I prayed for some calming words to say and moved along with my family. I was confident I had left the sadness behind for a little bit, I didn't want to see them until I did so I could share some hope with them. By the time I was two people away, I turned into a fountain! I walked up to him with NO words to say, all I could do was look up at him, and say sorry. He leaned down, gave me a hug, while reminding me over and over that it'll be ok, that she's happy, and that it was ok to cry. I stepped back returned his smile, and walked ahead to Nicole, I gave her a hug, and said sorry. She smiled, and on I moved to the prayer service. Over and over in my head all I could think was "You dummy you're suppose to be here to help them feel better, and share hope!" Ugh...

After a while of thinking God shed some light. Maybe God was using Jim (my cousin, Kortni's father) to share in words what God wouldn't speak directly in voice to me. God's ALWAYS there to pat us on the back, give us a big hug, and tell us it'll be ok. He's always there too wipe away our tears, and flash us a hopeful smile just like Jim had to me even though he was hurting probably much worse then I was.

Each time we hurt our neighbor (which is equivalent to everyone) we hurt God. We're his children. Each time we abandon, gossip about, insult, abuse our friends, and anyone, we are doing that to our Creator. He hurts for us, he hurts with us, yet he still accepts us into his loving arms, smiles at us, and tells us it'll all be ok!

Go serve our LOVING God and His people!


  1. Wow, my mom teaches at Carlos and knew her too. She said it was a really hard week at school...

  2. You know...sometimes when we think were suppose to be the one comforting it usually comes out the other way around. Like when my Opa died, it all turned out ok, I came out comforted when I was suppose to be comforting.