Today November 28, 2010 I rededicate my life to God.
It's a good day, and I'm ready for the new beginning God has offered me.
About two years ago, with the help of an incredible friend, I had realized that living my life for God was more then going to church on Sunday. I then too started understanding that there is no in between, and that I was either going to be on fire for God and trust Him, or lay Him on the back burner and figure things out for myself. I had realized it meant dedicating my life to God. I wasn't willing any longer to settle for what I had been settling for. I had felt that everything I had gone through was like a roller coaster. (Yes, I know cliche.) That the intensity would just build from there. This last summer I'd say that my relationship with God had hit the peak. It was at the top of the roller coaster ride. There was no school drama, no friend drama. I was able to attend a National Youth Gathering in New Orleans, and also a three day camp of Fellowship of Christian Athletes Leadership Camp. I had plenty of time to read my Bible, go to church, pray before bed, talk to Him throughout the day. It was all good. I was satisfied, and the most content I've ever been. The last few months the feeling of being content started to fade as my time with Him started slipping away. School started going. I started becoming stressed. I filled up my schedule with school, friends, sports, and I left the little bit of time I had left over to spend it specifically with God.
Lately I've been starting to feel alone, and worthless. The more I accepted the feelings the more lies I felt Satan would throw at me, and the more I was willing to accept each one, so this morning on the way to walking into church I prayed silently to myself asking God if He could show me a miracle, and let me acknowledge it as Him. The service continued with some worship songs, and then lead into a solid message. Let me just tell you right now that Pastor Steve's messages are GREAT. The message today was about dying daily to yourself, and being thankful. It discussed that no matter what situation you are in you have a million blessings to be thankful for, and it talked about how many blessings we overlook and how many we believe are deserved. The message also displayed the idea of giving up something for yourself, in the end, to bless someone else. In also in a way reached out the point that the world doesn't revolve around you, it doesn't revolve around me, and it won't ever. Following the message Pastor Steve had us stand up. We began praying prayers to ourselves, and he prayed his prayer for us out loud. He asked that anyone who was hurting, or who felt that they haven't been where they needed to be with God lately that they would raise their hand while our heads were bowed. He'd take a while acknowledge who, and then continued asking the question in hope that those who needed the courage to raise their hands would. I prayed to God that I had been feeling very far away from Him, and if I was one of the people who needed to raise there hand then Pastor Steve would ask once more. Of course Pastor Steve did. I still didn't have the courage to raise my hand, so I promised once again to God that this time if he asked again I would raise my hand. Again still no courage, the final time I promised God I would do it, and again Pastor Steve asked the question. I then raised my hand and quickly put it down after he made the acknowledgement of those whose hands were up. I had thought that raising my hand and surrendering to myself was all I needed to do- to admit to myself that I wasn't in the place I needed to be with God. Pastor Steve then continued by calling us up to the front of the church so they could lay hands upon us and pray for us. I continued standing in my place with no anticipation of moving to the front of the church. I opened my eyes looked up and notice him looking at me. He said "Young lady in the back (me) would you please come to the front so we can pray for you?". I began to walk forward to the front of the church, and stood next to some others who were feeling the similar things I had. Pastor Steve called up some of the members of the congregation willing to pray over us individually. Pastors Steve's wife, Trish, walked up to me, and placed her hands upon my shoulders. She asked me "Have you accept Christ in your life yet?" And I replied with a "Yes." She began praying over me, and I could feel Christ enter my heart overwhelmingly. She then asked me if I had accepted the Holy Spirit in my heart, to which I replied "Yes." again. As she continued praying I could hear God reminding me that I didn't have to feel alone, and that the world will never be a place to satisfy the things that I longed for. That the very place that I needed to be was hand in hand with Him, and He called me back to Him with open arms.
That was His miracle. The miracle of Him excepting someone worthless, and undeserving of His love. The miracle that He would except me back into His loving arms. The miracle of an answered prayer, and because of this my life doesn't have to go back to being to same it can move forward changed.