Memories Held In My Heart

22,377,600 seconds,
372, 960 minutes,
6216 hours,
259 days,
37 weeks,
8 months and 14 days,

...since the day you left us to be with our gracious Heavenly Father. As the days go by, the loss of you fails to grow more faint. I knew as we grew older, that life had taken us on different paths. However, the expectation of our paths crossing to share a friendly smile and watch each others life unfold never faded. It was you that made me believe that childhood friendship created an endless tie.

I am at a loss for words and understanding but am left with a few small memories. Often, I wondered as we grew older if you remembered them, if your "hi" in the hallway became flooded with them. Mine did.

I remember when I was little and my mom would take me to the mall. The first thing I would do is look for your family's vehicle, parked generally in the same spot, sometimes even with the horse trailer attached. I would always peer into the Saddle Shop, where I knew you would most likely be. I remember walking around looking at the knickknacks on the small glass shelves with you, while our mothers exchanged conversation.

I remember climbing up to the top bunk, where we would lie on opposite sides for nap time. Lying still and carefully listening, we would wait for the footsteps to disappear. When the coast was clear one would "sneakily" crawl to the other side. While others napped, we exchanged whispers. Then, when nap was over and we heard the footsteps returning for us, we'd crawl back to our respective sides and pretend to be asleep.

I was told we were inseparable, that in our four or five year old innocence you once even asked me to marry you. While I can't physically remember all the times we shared, I am convinced my heart holds each one of them, because as time goes on I often think of you. I find reminders of you following me through my week and I thank God that you were my childhood best friend.

Remembering you.

Embrace

I need change. I need to change. I want to change.

These familiar thoughts echo through my head on an almost daily basis. My journey to fill my "emptiness" continues.

New Year's is often a time of change to more then just the calendar for many people. It's the time to make new resolutions, become motivated, and have a fresh start. This year, rather then making a cliche list of "needed" self improvements, I want to learn day by day, week by week to embrace who God has made me to be. 

My goal this week is to focus on encouraging thoughts and words. 

Psalm 139: 13-18
For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed. How precious are your thoughts about me, O God. They cannot be numbered! I can't even count them; they outnumber the grains of sand!

All I Can Do (Thank You) by MikesChair

I could write a love song

Tell You what I think you wanna hear

But it wouldn't be good enough, no

Yeah, I could try so hard

To give it everything I got

But I'm not ever gonna measure up

All I can do is thank You

For this life I never deserve

Wanna thank You for the grace

I know I don't have to earn

You love me, You love me

Your mercy is proof

All I can do is say thank You

All I can do is say thank You

It would have been easy

But I'm glad You never walked away

'Cause Your love runs deep for me

And I see this beautiful world

And it brings tears to my eyes

And I think it's beautiful to be free

All I can do is thank You

For this life I never deserve

Thank You for the grace

I know I don't have to earn

You love me, You love me

Your mercy is proof

All I can do is say thank You

All I can do is say thank You

Thank You for hope, for love

For all the ways You move

Thank you for everything You do

What else can I say but thank You?

Thank you 

I could write a love song

Tell You what I think you wanna hear

But it wouldn't be good enough

All I can do is thank You

For this life I never deserve

Wanna thank You for the grace

I know I don't have to earn

You love me, You love me

Your mercy is proof

All I can do is say thank You

All I can do is say thank You

To listen, follow this link: www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z1OE53ZMApQ‎

Emptiness...

For now this blank page stares back at me with so much emptiness. It's begging to be filled with meaning and thought. After all isn't that what a blog is for? Many changes have taken place over the last couple years when I decided to abandon this blog. The decision wasn't totally conscious. 

Like this page, some days more then others, I feel engulfed with emptiness too. This bold feeling has made a hole inside my heart. What am I lacking? I'm a newlywed. I love my job. I am blessed with a wonderful husband. A home over my head. A continued education. 

While the emptiness inside still remains a deeper question, I know the problem roots from the unintentional distance that I have created in my relationship with God. It's lukewarm and no longer satisfying. It needs immediate action. 

Living in a new town has been challenging. Left behind was my family, our church, my job, my friends, and any sort of normalcy. I knew it wouldn't be easy knowing the transition would also came with many new roles like being a wife, a first time apartment renter, a new job title, a new school, a new major and so much more. I have even taken on new interests like reading, knitting, baking, and a countless number of TV series. The person I have become through this transition has taught me to be independent. At times almost too independent. Even the person I have become has started to look unfamiliar. I didn't know the transition would take this long. While I can't complain that the ride hasn't been rather smooth, the sense of satisfaction lays far from me. Now more then ever, I thirst for it. 

It's time for action, a plan. A time to start filling my emptiness with the love of our Lord and Savior. 

"Oceans will rise and kingdoms will fall, but the word of the Lord stands FOREVER!" Isaiah 40:8 

We, my husband and I have been lacking fellowship. It's time again that we pick up from where we left off on our search to find a church we can call home again. A church filled with a sense of family, fellowship, and outreach. A church filled with encouragement and scripture. 

A new journey starts here. 

Praise!

One thing my mind has been pretty engulfed with lately has been the idea of praising God through everything, with everything. Does this Almighty God we have only deserve praise in the happy times, in the sad times? He's always working His plan. He's always looking at the big picture. He's always working things together for our good. Does that not deserve constant praise?


I've been reading through the book of Job this month. What a guy Job is. He's stripped of everything that he has yet He looks up towards God and praises Him. He's so solid on the foundation on which he stands. It blows my mind!

There are so many little things in life I pass by so often, and I don't even take the moments I have to praise God for them.

On my way to track practice Monday I headed outside a little early to scrap off the windows. As I scrapped them off, I looked closely at the snowflakes so perfectly placed on there. The thought that our God created every single one of those snowflakes is absolutely crazy to me. He's a God of such detail. The idea that He could tell me how many hairs are on my head while He has a million other things to take care of only reassures me that much more to hand over the pieces of my life to Him.

Tuesday as I headed to track practice I walked outside to what seemed to be a gloomy day. As I approached our parked car, I noticed the small drops of rain falling on it; only the day before was I scrapping off the windshield. As track presumed the slow mist stopped, the clouds abandoned the skies, and the sun took it's place. God has control. He has a plan. He can change the weather. He can change the heart. He can work miracles. Although the weather He controls is ever changing. The God of this universe isn't. He's constant. He's perfect.

Lately I've been praying for God to put a thirst in my heart to follow Him, to see a glimpse of His glory, and to see Him in everything. As I drove to practice today I couldn't believe the brightness of the sun. When I was younger, riding in the car, I'd always close my eyes to the glorious sun. It's instinct. As I drove on today, I wished to close my eyes, I thought of putting on some sunglasses in order to see better. Than it hit me. This is a taste of God's glory. This is only a small idea of how bright His glory actually shines. Today the perspective of the bright shining sun was different. I understood it as an answered prayer. A glimpse of His glory has always been right in front of me. It made me think: Is that what I do? Do I close my eyes to glory that God shines ever so brightly in front of me everyday? Do I play down the glory He displays in my life to be comfortable? My prayer has changed. Rather than seeing the glimpse of God's glory- I pray to be a reflection of God's glory. I pray to bring Him praise.

Don't forget to take time out of your day to praise God. He's glorious.

Modesty..? Yes, please. :)

Modesty is something I often wonder about. Every part of me believes that how you respect your body shows a reflection of who you are on the inside. As a girl I struggle to know the lines sometimes of where something becomes immodest. It's certainly not an excuse by any means though.

Credit goes to my friend, Jennie, for introducing me to this site. Check it out!
http://www.therebelution.com/modestysurvey/

-This site was a survey given to Christian guys ages 12 & up on the topic of modesty. They surveyed on approximately 148 questions that give a slight idea into the minds of guys, and the daily temptations they face concerning modesty for women. Girls, I highly encourage you to check it out. It's pretty eye opening.

What does God have to say about this?
"Do not rebuke an older man harshly, but exhort him as if he were your father. Treat younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, and younger women as sisters, with absolute purity." 1 Timothy 5:1-2

-Honestly there is something about this verse that makes me want to read it over, and over, and over, and you get the idea. The thought of treating older men and women as my father and mother, and younger men and women as my brothers and sisters is such a brilliant way to put it into perspective, and such an incredible call from God. Not only does He call on us to treat them as mothers, fathers, brothers and sisters, but with absolute purity- meaning not looking on others with lustful eyes, or causing others to look at you with lustful eyes.   

"Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies." 1 Corinthians 6:19-20

-Our bodies belong to God, and in order to redeem them He payed a price that was irreplaceable- the blood of His own son, so we could possibly be set free from bondage! The Holy Spirit resides in the center of a believers heart! He lives within us! When we dishonor our bodies, we aren't the only one it affects, it affects our pure, and holy Creator also. Should we not respect our bodies, and make it a place of luxury for him to reside?
Sisters in Christ, I encourage you to pray for your brothers in Christ that they may be able to keep their hearts pure. Dress modestly. Support them. Have their backs!

Brothers in Christ, I encourage you to pray for your sisters in Christ that we would respect our bodies the way Christ has intended us to do. Fight the temptation. We love you. We look up to you!

More thoughts to come as I'm jumping into the book of Job this month! I can hear God emphasize what I need to hear. It's a sweet melody to my ears. :)

Aquire the Fire, Bible, and Prayer. Some thoughts.

Acquire the Fire.

I won't lie. It was probably the best weekend of my life. The valley that I've so long been walking through, had now come to the beginning of the real climb of the mountain. I can't wait to see the view, but for now I am going to enjoy each step I take to the top. The worship, the concerts, the fellowship, and the unbelievable presence of God has me floating on the clouds. It was the extra spark to the fire that I have been thirsting for for the last while. Thank you God for the answered prayer.

For this month I'm reading through the book of Acts. There are 28 chapters, 28 days! It seemed perfect to me! Just some food for thought ten minutes of reading the Bible a day will be WAY more affective then the extra ten minutes you'll gain by not reading it. I promise.

Another thing that's been heavy on my heart lately has been prayer. I just want my conversation with God to be completely continual throughout the day, but with that a friend has been heavy on my heart lately. They are such a huge blessing, and influence on me so I plan to for the next year to pray for them everyday. I encourage anyone who feels called to do this for one of their friends to do the same! I'm very excited for this, and I'm overly excited to see the plans God has for their life!

It's Almost a New Year! :)

Well I hope everyone is having a great Christmas season, and break from school! :)

It's almost a new year! I'm sure everyone is pulling out their notebooks to start making new resolutions last minute. What I never understand is why does it have to be a new year in order for it to be a new start? What's wrong with a new start or a change in July, or April, or November for that matter? Anyway, I encourage you to find places in your relationship with God that need to be worked on, and make that a point of focus! For example if you don't find yourself getting into his word set a goal to read just a couple minutes or a chapter a night. Make a goal to set aside some time to just talk to Him, or if something is getting in the way of your relationship with Him try to slowly tear down the brick wall. Ask God what He wants. Make a change. :)

Grow. Love. Die daily to self.

More later. :)

Be blessed!

An Answered Prayer. A Rededication.

Today November 28, 2010 I rededicate my life to God.

It's a good day, and I'm ready for the new beginning God has offered me.

About two years ago, with the help of an incredible friend, I had realized that living my life for God was more then going to church on Sunday. I then too started understanding that there is no in between, and that I was either going to be on fire for God and trust Him, or lay Him on the back burner and figure things out for myself. I had realized it meant dedicating my life to God. I wasn't willing any longer to settle for what I had been settling for. I had felt that everything I had gone through was like a roller coaster. (Yes, I know cliche.) That the intensity would just build from there. This last summer I'd say that my relationship with God had hit the peak. It was at the top of the roller coaster ride. There was no school drama, no friend drama. I was able to attend a National Youth Gathering in New Orleans, and also a three day camp of Fellowship of Christian Athletes Leadership Camp. I had plenty of time to read my Bible, go to church, pray before bed, talk to Him throughout the day. It was all good. I was satisfied, and the most content I've ever been. The last few months the feeling of being content started to fade as my time with Him started slipping away. School started going. I started becoming stressed. I filled up my schedule with school, friends, sports, and I left the little bit of time I had left over to spend it specifically with God.

Lately I've been starting to feel alone, and worthless. The more I accepted the feelings the more lies I felt Satan would throw at me, and the more I was willing to accept each one, so this morning on the way to walking into church I prayed silently to myself asking God if He could show me a miracle, and let me acknowledge it as Him. The service continued with some worship songs, and then lead into a solid message. Let me just tell you right now that Pastor Steve's messages are GREAT. The message today was about dying daily to yourself, and being thankful. It discussed that no matter what situation you are in you have a million blessings to be thankful for, and it talked about how many blessings we overlook and how many we believe are deserved. The message also displayed the idea of giving up something for yourself, in the end, to bless someone else. In also in a way reached out the point that the world doesn't revolve around you, it doesn't revolve around me, and it won't ever. Following the message Pastor Steve had us stand up. We began praying prayers to ourselves, and he prayed his prayer for us out loud. He asked that anyone who was hurting, or who felt that they haven't been where they needed to be with God lately that they would raise their hand while our heads were bowed. He'd take a while acknowledge who, and then continued asking the question in hope that those who needed the courage to raise their hands would. I prayed to God that I had been feeling very far away from Him, and if I was one of the people who needed to raise there hand then Pastor Steve would ask once more. Of course Pastor Steve did. I still didn't have the courage to raise my hand, so I promised once again to God that this time if he asked again I would raise my hand. Again still no courage, the final time I promised God I would do it, and again Pastor Steve asked the question. I then raised my hand and quickly put it down after he made the acknowledgement of those whose hands were up. I had thought that raising my hand and surrendering to myself was all I needed to do- to admit to myself that I wasn't in the place I needed to be with God. Pastor Steve then continued by calling us up to the front of the church so they could lay hands upon us and pray for us. I continued standing in my place with no anticipation of moving to the front of the church. I opened my eyes looked up and notice him looking at me. He said "Young lady in the back (me) would you please come to the front so we can pray for you?". I began to walk forward to the front of the church, and stood next to some others who were feeling the similar things I had. Pastor Steve called up some of the members of the congregation willing to pray over us individually. Pastors Steve's wife, Trish, walked up to me, and placed her hands upon my shoulders. She asked me "Have you accept Christ in your life yet?" And I replied with a "Yes." She began praying over me, and I could feel Christ enter my heart overwhelmingly. She then asked me if I had accepted the Holy Spirit in my heart, to which I replied "Yes." again. As she continued praying I could hear God reminding me that I didn't have to feel alone, and that the world will never be a place to satisfy the things that I longed for. That the very place that I needed to be was hand in hand with Him, and He called me back to Him with open arms.

That was His miracle. The miracle of Him excepting someone worthless, and undeserving of His love. The miracle that He would except me back into His loving arms. The miracle of an answered prayer, and because of this my life doesn't have to go back to being to same it can move forward changed.

I Refuse. (Followup Post.)

Here is kind of a followup to my last post. It's still very heavy on my heart. I ran across a song tonight that felt perfect for it! Coincidence? I think not. God's always at work. :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BbH0IWZL05s

I Refuse

Josh Wilson

Sometimes I, I just want to close my eyes

And act like everyone's alright

When I know they're not

This world needs God, but it's easier to stand and watch

I could pray a prayer and just move on

Like nothing's wrong

But I Refuse

I don't want to live like I don't care

I don't want to say another empty prayer

Oh, I refuse to sit around and wait for someone else

To do what God has called me to do myself

I could choose not to move

But I refuse

I can hear the least of these, crying out so desperately

And I know we are the hands and feet of You, oh God

So if You say move, it's time for me to follow through

And do what I was made to do

And show them who You are

I don't want to live like I don't care

I don't want to say another empty prayer

Oh, I refuse to sit around and wait for someone else

To do what God has called me to do myself

I could choose not to move

But I refuse

I refuse to stand and watch the weary and lost cry out for help

I refuse to turn my back and try and act like all is well

I refuse to stay unchanged, to wait another day to die to myself

I refuse to make one more excuse

I don't want to live like I don't care

I don't want to say another empty prayer

Oh, I refuse to sit around and wait for someone else

To do what God has called me to do myself

I could choose not to move

But I refuse

Fighting for the Broken..

This world is inhabited with sin, but that doesn't mean we should just give up. Sin is here. It'll always be. It is our nature, but the doesn't mean it has to be our way, or our excuse for the way we are. God also gave us a choice. A choice on how we approach and how we handle our sinful nature. Lately I've had a heavy heart about some friends and the people of this world who I feel are lost and broken, who feel lonely and worthless, or just someone who needs someone to love them. It's our time now. This generation, if we all just took one step forward it'd be one giant leap for this world, and I believe we can do it.

Some of the smallest acts can change a person's day. A smile, and a "hello" is all it could take. Don't just sit back and wish. Take action. The change starts with you.

I've been focusing on praying for them, and for the renewing of their heart and soul. I truly believe in the power of prayer. It's strong. It's a step towards action.

Check this out:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nWQpzKHEwVg&feature=fvw
"Keep Changing the World" with visual.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yAtal8ZV6eo
"Keep Changing the World"

Lyrics:

"Keep Changing the World"

Something here is wrong

There are children without homes

But we just move along to take care of our own

There's so much suffering just outside our door

A cry so deafening

We just can't ignore

To all the people who are fighting for the broken

All the people who keep holding on to love

All the people who are reaching for the lonely

Keep changing the world

Take a look around

Before the sun goes out

What's lost can still be found

It's not too late now

It only takes one spark to make the fire burn

So reach inside your heart and let this be the start

To all the people who are fighting for the broken

All the people who keep holding on to love

All the people who are reaching for the lonely
Keep changing the world

I know you see the suffering

How they going to recover when people just look over like they don't even notice them

Everyone whose focusing on ending all this hopelessness

You can change the world by changing who the world is hoping in

I see the sun coming up

It's a brighter day

Let's show the world that love is a better way

So lend a hand join the fight

'Cause time is ticking away

Keep changing the world

I see you changing the world

Step up!

To all the people who are fighting for the broken

All the people who keep holding on to love

All the people who are reaching for the lonely

Keep changing the world

The change starts with you? Are you ready?

Pounding. Pressure. Sweet Escape?

Pound. Pound. Pound. Do you hear that? Can you feel that?
I do. Everyday. This earth- it's like a battle field. No place is safe except for the welcoming place of the arms of God.

Judgements, and lies. The world feeds off them. They're everywhere.  I hear them, I assume them, I believe them, and I'm sure I'm not the only one. Even the simplest lies are destructive, and I suppose in every way that's the point. It's Satan's purpose to shrink us in anyway that's possible, and to make us numb to our very own Heavenly Father.

I encourage you to take a look at what you surround yourself with.
Music. Tv. Books. Advertising. Media.

Just standing in line at the stores I notice so many magazines with covers that advertise how to loose weight, or what movie star is in love with another. To me it's so frustrating to see, but to authors it's their selling point. They're filled with lies. Yet they capture us! I learned recently in a Bible study that models have almost unrealistic diets. It also said that the average model weighs 23% less then the average women on the streets, and that this has led to two-thirds of underweight twelve-year-old girls to consider themselves "fat". To me that is so unreal. There's no purpose to it. It's a lie that Satan feeds to us- that we can never fit to the standard of this world.

Truth:
We are perfect and like in God's image.

To me that sounds great, but yet that doesn't even seem to have near of an impact as the earth does on pressuring us to dress a certain way, be a certain weight, to drink, to just go with the flow.

My question to you is-why?  Why buy the lies? Why let go of the Truth?

We hear the lies, but how can we recognize the lies if we can't first know and recognize the Truth?

Keep your ears open to our Heavenly Father. Talk. Listen.

Read your Bible. The book of TRUTH. It's filled with everything. The more engulfed I am with mine I realized the more I can recognize God working in my life, and the more I can differentiate the lies from the Truth.

GOAL! (:

After the first week of school I kind of have a better feel of what I should be aiming my goals for. I'm excited to lay them out, but am kind of nervous as to how big they'll actually be to accomplish. It's encouraging to know that nothing is to big for God though. (: Over the course of the next school year I'll be working on these spiritual goals set specifically for me. Voicing them out may give you some ideas on what you yourself can to work on too, and they can help by others knowing my weaknesses and keeping me accountable for them.

Goal:

Definition- the result or achievement toward which effort is directed; aim; end.

Goal 1:
Complain less. Be joyful more.

Goal 2:
Live faith actively.

Goal 3:
Love on others. Take an extra step outward.

Goal 4:
Be bold.
Always be prepared to share the gospel of God to others...

Goal 5:
Communicate with God.

Goal 6:
Stick with my morals.
Don't be conformed to the ways of the world...

It's the beginning and more can always be added, but here is a start. Take some time to think of your goals. Know that the journey to become closer to God never ends. (:

Live life loud. Be blessed. (:

School...?

I apologize for such a short post, but school is tomorrow, it's 9:30, and my backpack isn't even packed.

I feel that it's some joke that school starts tomorrow. I'm kind of starting to wonder where the cameras are to capture my reaction to it. They must have hid them in a pretty good hiding spot because I can't seem to find them.

I'm for sure not ready to say goodbye to summer. I figured as it is the last day I better blog. I was hoping to get some goals down to help improve my walk with God, but I'm thinking that I'm going to wait until the first week of school is done, so I can be refreshed in areas that most need to be improved although I've already got a few in mind. I encourage you to make some goals for yourself too! Find weak points, and strengthen them. Dig deeper into your relationship with Him. Fill in the gaps between church life, and your social life. You can never be to close to God.

Pray often. Be joyful. Show love. Be bold. Live like each day is your last.

Go serve our King!

Flooded. Empty. Focused? (SMA)

Lately my mind has felt flooded, overwhelmed, and consumed. I'm guessing the lack of sleep I have been getting isn't helping that in any way either. For the last two weeks a minimum of eight hours a day has been spent on watching football practice, taping feet, making ice bathes, finding supplies, helping injured players, and keeping a pretty constant eye of knowing what's going on, but after seeing how much work the football players put into a two-a-day practice I feel I have no right to complain. A regular day consists of two four hour shifts that follow with eating, attempting to get something done, then head off to bed, only to wake up and do it again. Honestly this does make me feel I have purpose, but it makes me feel even better to know that God probably has a greater purpose for me.

With so much time spent at practices and in the training room the time I spend at home feels like nothing. Recently the question that has popped into my mind is 'Am I still focused on God?' Mainly this question popped up because one of the football players who pretty much always tries to give me a hard time walked up to me and said "Want to hear a joke?" I said "Nope." He then continued to say "Girl sports, and your FCA leadership skills." To that I replied "Yeah...thanks!" In a way it kind of felt like a slap on the face. I mostly know this kid is just teasing although a lot of the time it's hard to tell. It kind of made me take a step back and think why am I even here?

We've had quite a few encounters in the last two weeks where people have walked up to us and said with a cheesy smirk on their face "Are you standing here to watch the football guys?" We normally just try to laugh it off, and make some joke about how if we weren't trainers we wouldn't be standing there amidst 80 some guys, and 6 male coaches. Certainly signing up for it if I would of known that we weren't spending all our time in the training room, and that we'd be in the middle of the field watching practice go on, and that we planned to be  partnered so tightly with football I probably wouldn't have volunteered. Some of me wonders though if this is the complete working of God in my life. My purpose from this is to be more then a sports medical assistant trainer. My purpose is probably far wider then I will understand, but I do know my purpose is to be a light for God to every single one of those guys on that field. I may not have to run around quoting Bible verses left, and right, but my actions should be able to speak loud enough to make people wonder what it's all about.

Maybe sometimes harsh words have to be spoken to awaken you from a tiring sleep. Maybe what I thought had purpose means nothing now, and the what seemed over is only starting to begin.

Those previous thoughts should of almost popped up in my mind automatic though I feel. I can't stress enough that being a Christian isn't just a Sunday, Wednesday, youth group sorta deal. It's far more, and far better. It should take place at school, work, on the rainbow rider, on the field, at the zoo, anywhere, everywhere.

Hello football season. Hello sports medical assistant training. Hello feet. Hello road trips with smelly boys, and extreme outnumbered boy-girl ratio bus rides. None of it matters now. What matters is the foot I as a Christian decide to put forth, and the leap I am willing to take to bring my faith to the next step. Bring it. With the help of God. I can take it. We can take it.

Be set apart.

Consideration?

Lately I've been thinking about relationships. If you know me well enough by now you'd probably already know I'm always seeming to try to learn something new about them! Although I'm sure you'd be quick to agree with me that they are very important. :)  I've noticed in my own life, and in others that sometimes relationships can be the make or break of us. I'd have to say especially the guy-girl ones can get a person off track, or get your mind spinning in every direction. If a relationship is bad, our attitude, or emotional state can go spiraling downward in an instant. Maybe that relates more-so to girls, I can't say I've ever experienced it from a guy's point of view. Lately and over time I've been realizing that our emotional state seems to spiral downward faster the more our life is centered around that relationship. I've noticed the more attached to a person I am the more likely that person can affect me with both negative, and positive influence. I've been given this illustration before, but it was put a little differently then I am about to put it. Hopefully it hasn't been to overused. Picture a bike tire. There is the hub, which is the center, and then the spokes. On the hub put the word relationships there, and in between each spoke put some other priority in there. Well if something in your relationships go wrong which is the foundation and the center of the tire holding it together, then each single priority in between the spokes are messed with. Therefore the tire becomes unbalanced. This doesn't only relate to relationships, you can try this with a lot of priorities. The point is if you make everything revolve around the one rocky foundation it can't stand solid. I found a little card laying on the floor of my room about a month ago it read "Put God in the center-and everything will come together." Meaning if you make God the hub, and all your priorities lie around you have a solid center foundation.

Consider it. :)

Bible.

I've been going through kind of a dull time lately. If you looked over the things that I've done this last week and a half you'd probably ask why. I've been pretty lucky to be surrounded by friends practically all the time whether at each others houses, biking, watching movies, camping, cooking, youth group, swimming, eating, shopping in St. Cloud. I've been running, visiting family, running around with my parents on their schedules and have been trying to help around the house in the free time. I've been writing lists of things to do to keep everything straight to make sure everything planned for the day gets done. I do enjoy having things to do, and it's good to accomplish things, but sometimes I feels like it's a game to see how many things I can cram into a day, and truthfully no matter how many things I do it still can leave me feeling unaccomplished and empty.  Let me be the first, last, second, or tenth to tell you that can't look to the world for satisfaction, and that you can't depend on it to be something that makes you complete. No matter how many clothes you buy, how many friends you have, how much money is in your savings, who has the coolest car-you will never know what true satisfaction is until you have a real relationship with God. Along my walk with God I've realized this so many times now. The world has a billion and one distractions. The devil is out to steer us in every which direction that causes blindness to notice them as true distractions. The best way to avoid these distractions and to be truly satisfied is to know the Truth, and to know God personally. Get into the Bible. Meditate on it daily. Spend some one on one time with God. He'll be sure to show you some glorious things no doubt. Talk to Him. Pray. In every relationship in order for it to work you have to have a two way street with equal communication. Don't just talk, but be ready to listen to what He has to say. Be real with Him. He's going to be real with you.

Sometimes people refer to the Bible as boring, but it certainly isn't! It's filled with spiced up stuff that is just as relevant today as it was when it was written! I've found it easiest for me to pick a spot in the Bible that I feel I need some insight on. I'm working through Proverbs now, and some of Psalms. Open it up, and dive in.

As for praying, I've heard a lot of my friends say they feel like there talking to the ceiling or that whatever they say is bouncing off the wall. Personally I've been writing my prayers out each night kind of in letter format to God in a journal, and at the end I read them out loud to Him. For now it's been helping my stay accountable to praying more often. Everyone is different, so different things will work for different people!

Speak. Listen. Meditate. Know Truth. Be satisfied.
Have a good one! (:

Love!

Love. Whoa. What a word! I mean not only is it a pretty cool sounding word, but it has the most spectacular and powerful meaning no doubt, and I can't even begin to think about how thrown around it is. I myself am completely guilty of it too! Three minutes ago I was talking about how much I LOVE cereal, but honestly I hope my love isn't that shallow, and I certainly hope the meaning of the word never becomes that shallow, because if it did boy are we doomed, because before you know it love will mean like, and if love means like then really God only likes us, and do you know what that means? It means that He may not even think we're worth it, which means we're all hopeless lost children of a God who only likes us...(which yes I know is all contradicting, because if God didn't love us we truly would be hopeless...)

Last night before I hopped in bed I did some one-on-one God time, and looked into the meaning of the word love. Of course the study that I did led me to the well known 1 Corinthians 13 chapter, and I decided this time I was going to take it to the next step. I laid out what love looks like, and what love doesn't look like:

What love IS                                                                 
-Patient                                                                            
-Kind                                                                               
-Rejoices in Truth                                                             
-Bears all things                                                                
-Believes all things                                                            
-Hopes all things                                                              
-Endures all things                                                            
                                                                                       
What love IS NOT/DOESN'T                                                                                    
-Envy
- Boast
- Conceited
- Act improperly
- Selfish
- Provoke
-Keeps records of wrong doing
- Find joy in unrighteousness
- End

It's strange how we can say the word love to so many people loosely like a habit-something that soon becomes unthought about. If you truly think about it this LOVE doesn't explain some mushy tingly feeling inside your stomach. It means something so much deeper! Something so incredible! Each time you tell someone you love them it's like a promise that you will treat them with respect, that you will forgive them always, and let go of the past! For real there is no way you can truly love unless you are acting Christ-like towards them!

Scenario 1:
Boy-Girl (Friend-Friend)
"Dude guess what!?"-girl
"Wha."-boy
"Jesus loves you!!"-girl
"And you as well!"-boy
"...and so do I! (in a brother in Christ sorta way)"-girl
"Cool...:) I gotta head to bed.."-boy

Scenario 1 explanation: As much as this conversation looks like rejection to you I actually really like this conversation. Let me explain. You see "For God so LOVED the world that He gave His one and only son that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16, because of LOVE God did this. He didn't do it because we deserved it. If you look at this conversation in a way it looks like the love is coming from a one way sorta street which it may be, but isn't that's what God's love is! It's like a flood of water engulfing and rushing down the street, that wipes out everything in it's path. It's not something easy taken! God knew not everyone would love Him. The gift of what His son went through is unrepayable. For us when we love we shouldn't expect love back. We shouldn't love to be loved. We should love because that's what God did, and that's what we are commanded to do.

Scenario 2:
Friend-Friend (Girls)
"Jesus loves you and so do I!"-Friend 1
"Aww :) jesus loves you too and so do i too! :) hehehe" -Friend 2

Scenario 2 explanation: This is pretty laid out! We are called to love, to be loved. Wither we offered it first, last, or the relationship is one way. We are called to never ever stop pouring love out on each other as Christ does for us! This specific friend that this was said too was a great example for me to share. No doubt do I wish to respect this friend to treat her the way she should be treated! In James it tells us to not only be hearers of the Word but to be doers. This friend is outstanding. When she replies with the love that God has commanded her to have she doesn't just say it to apply satisfaction. She lives out the love the she says to have. She's kind, caring, and is very quick to put the other person first. Love is not only a word it's an action.


As I read the chapter this verse stuck out on the page at me it says:
"If I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith so that I can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing." - 1 Corinthians 13:2

Does that not just add an additional 20 pound weight onto the meaning of the word already?

Don't take it lightly. It shouldn't be, but be ready to hand it out freely, and be prepared to back it up with actions for that is what our Father in heaven did.

Laying some of it out... (FCA leadership camp 2010- Unleash the Power)

I'm home, and I AM camp-sick. I miss it already. The people, the worship, the laughter, the adventure, the push and desire to know God better, and the encouragement to always work hard at what you're doing. I've learned a lot in this past weekend, and honestly I don't even know where to begin.

I'm so thankful for the new things God has shown me through this opportunity! Such as:

• Truthfully no one is perfect, and you don't have to be to be a leader. (Thank you Jesus)
• I'm not the only one struggling to understand things.
• God is FULL, and filling.
• I NEED God because I am lost. (Which I knew before, but now have appropriate words for it.)
• It's more effective to explain why you yourself need God, then it is to explain to someone why they need God.
• I shared my testimony openly with a friend from my huddle and realized I actually know it better then I thought.
• I'm only on the beginning of my walk, and God's got my hand to lead me on.

That's just the beginning...


First off this weekend I met some incredibly cool, and legit people as some would say. :) No doubt it my mind is that true, but through this weekend and going into camp my focus was to focus wholly on God. I wanted above all else to put Him above the relationships that I made at camp, and focus on Him. Of course with growing closer to God I did slowly create some strong bonds with some new people! God certainly never stops pouring out His blessings.

To be completely honest with you and with this camp being co-ed I was worried there would be some distractions. Luckily what I soon learned after I arrived was that although it was co-ed the huddle groups were not, which I can fully assure you made it a billion times easier to open up, and stay focused! I noticed A LOT of girls, and I'd have to say a fair share amount of the guys focusing more so on a relationship with each other and finding excitement in them then finding, or even looking deeper into there relationship with God.  So with prayer, and some help from God I didn't have to worry about guys, and I didn't have to go out of my way to care that they were there. Which in no way do I mean that I don't care about them, because I am overly happy that those guys wanted to step up in their faith, it was just that they weren't going to get my focus. Praise to You God that You stood by my side, and kept my mind on the reason I was there for. You, and hopefully for fulfilling Your plan for me. 

In a way I'm kind of bummed out that the real feeling on God isn't swirling around in my heart, but it's not about feeling it. It's about the faith that after you asked Him to reside there, that He's there ever second, minute, hour, day, and that you can call on Him at anytime is what matters.

I certainly could go on hours about camp, blessings from God, the people I met, the INCREDIBLE food, the completely spectacular competitions, exercising games, and the velocity sport teams, but I think I'll leave it from here, and see what else gets worked in in the upcoming days, and what continues to lay heavy on my heart.

Dear God!
I thank you for sending me on this experience to learn more about you! I thank You for everything that You are, for Your love, and for Your forgiveness! I would like to pray for each camper that went, and for those interested and unable to make it I pray that you would put a burning passion in them to help continue getting to know You better! I pray that if the passion leaves they still have enough faith and fuel to chase after You, and light the world for You. I pray that leaving this place everything we learned and experienced will take complete affect in ways that witness to others, and get them to ask why we are set apart for the world! Please fill us up with Your love, patience, and Your understanding. Guide each of us in the plan that You had made specifically for us. Be with us always. Protect us. Hear us call upon You.
In Jesus name.
Amen.

"I want to sit at Your feet, drink from the cup in Your hand, lay back against You and breath, feel Your heartbeat, this love is so deep, it's more then I can stand, I melt in Your peace, it's overwhelming."

Unmistakable, Undeniable, Unconditional.

I suppose I should start out with by apologizing for not getting any of my posts up from New Orleans. Although I think a lot of them were convictions and I didn't get a chance to pull out a notebook and start writing they are still imprinted in my heart. Probably within the next week I'll be getting pictures online, and some posts up about it. I hope!

Anyway I feel kind of frustrated at this point, so God I pray that you lift everything off my heart and fill me only with You God, because You are all that I need. Take my burdens, and all my cares away. Help me to praise You in every moment, and thank You, and bring glory and honor to you in all the ways that I can.

Today was pretty spectacular. I made some new friends, and got to spend some time with my sister and her family. For about the last month in a half I've been attending church with them. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my church, my pastors, and the people there, and I in no way intend to make them feel that my church is not where I belong! I love worshiping my almighty God, and I believe He deserves to be worshiped every second I'm alive no doubt. I'm learning the way I best worship God is through music. I just thirst to do it. I love being engulfed in a song, and know that God enjoys it even more then I do when my heart is lost in the words being spoken directly to Him! This church allows strong messages, fellowship with family, praise to my Almighty God, open doors to taking me in, and a beautiful band I could sing my heart out too. So in many cases I'd say it's a win-win-win-win-win.

Today was a pretty great service, and following it was an equally great picnic. I got a chance to meet some new people which is always good, but I specifically wanted to share ONE person I met today that I know God has a huge heart for. You see this guy is unlike any guy I have ever met, and to some people being unique seems to be a turn off. This kid is one of a kind and incredible. Well I shouldn't say kid. He's no more of a kid then I am considering we are the same age. His mind is extraordinary. First off the way he worships with all of himself is one thing, and the way he thinks is in every way outside of the box is another, and I really admire him for that! His creativity is a true talent from God, and it's quite obvious he isn't wasting it. He brought our conversation from super powers, to hobbies, to views on dating, to wedding ideas, to you name it. You're probably thinking to yourself "WOW, talk about unusual for meeting someone for the first time." Honestly I can say not one minute of it was either. "Why?" you might ask. Because this guy was being WHOLEheatedly himself. It didn't matter what he said. He wasn't trying to impress me in anyway. He didn't feel like he had to fit up to some unreachable standard. He just said what his mind and his heart led him to say, and in so many ways I believe that he isn't letting the world conform him to believe he has to be some "super person".

I know that a couple of years ago before I understood the importance of God I would of never understood why he worships the way he worships, and I might of thought that the way he thinks is to far outside the box, but I know that God is wholeheartedly pleased with it. It wasn't some mixed up mistake that he has such a broad view of things, and such a great imagination! Honestly if there wasn't something such as an imagination where would we be today? No one would of been brave enough to make music, invent light bulbs, draw pictures, ect. God is in no way ashamed of anyone he made. In fact God made everybody in a way that brings glory to Him. He planned the way He wanted each of us to be before we were even woven in the womb of our mothers. I believe that God smiles down in this kid everyday, and doesn't even think twice about the love he has for him, or why he was made the way he was, because in the eyes of God he is a man who through His son was made whole, and through His son was made His, and I think each day when the sun rises and sets the love He has for him only increases...

I know if you read this you'll know who you are, and I thank you times a million for being yourself, and God's shining light, and teaching me something unmistakable, undeniable, and unconditional. :) I hope everything posted here wasn't taken in a way that was hurtful because I couldn't say a bad thing about you! Stay cool!

Thoughts:
Be proud enough of who God created you to be to express yourself. Be humble enough  to be slow to speak and quick to listen! Pray often. Listen to your heart. Be a friend always. Seek God, and know you can never love to much.

Excitement...?

I'm leaving tomorrow for New Orleans! I'm still sort of numb to all of the feelings around me. I know it'll hit me harder tomorrow probably when I actually step foot on the bus.

I am excited for spending intimate time with God because I can never get enough of it, and also growing in my faith with friends on the trip! Lately I've been realizing how incredibly important it is to get people on fire for Him, and plant a seed in there lives for God to nurture. In my eyes the world is going downhill fast, and boy is it starting to scare me. I can't wait to get fueled up and take off.

On another note, traveling is one of my weaknesses. Alexandria is my comfort zone. I love the community here. I love that everything I need is right here in this small place. God. Family. Friends. I always told my parents that when I grow up this is where I will live. Over time I've decided that if God leads me elsewhere then that's where I'll go. I truly believe that God is leading me to be here for this experience, and that it's happening only because of Him. This place of travel won't be home, but it'll be comfortable because I've got God holding me up and plenty of His community with me.

I will be keeping a journal each night, and post up thoughts once I return!

Be blessed my friends.

P.s. Dear my very special PA friends the Schmoyers! I'll be in the same time zone as you guys for a while on the way there. Yes! :) I love you guys! Stay cool!