Memories Held In My Heart

22,377,600 seconds,
372, 960 minutes,
6216 hours,
259 days,
37 weeks,
8 months and 14 days,

...since the day you left us to be with our gracious Heavenly Father. As the days go by, the loss of you fails to grow more faint. I knew as we grew older, that life had taken us on different paths. However, the expectation of our paths crossing to share a friendly smile and watch each others life unfold never faded. It was you that made me believe that childhood friendship created an endless tie.

I am at a loss for words and understanding but am left with a few small memories. Often, I wondered as we grew older if you remembered them, if your "hi" in the hallway became flooded with them. Mine did.

I remember when I was little and my mom would take me to the mall. The first thing I would do is look for your family's vehicle, parked generally in the same spot, sometimes even with the horse trailer attached. I would always peer into the Saddle Shop, where I knew you would most likely be. I remember walking around looking at the knickknacks on the small glass shelves with you, while our mothers exchanged conversation.

I remember climbing up to the top bunk, where we would lie on opposite sides for nap time. Lying still and carefully listening, we would wait for the footsteps to disappear. When the coast was clear one would "sneakily" crawl to the other side. While others napped, we exchanged whispers. Then, when nap was over and we heard the footsteps returning for us, we'd crawl back to our respective sides and pretend to be asleep.

I was told we were inseparable, that in our four or five year old innocence you once even asked me to marry you. While I can't physically remember all the times we shared, I am convinced my heart holds each one of them, because as time goes on I often think of you. I find reminders of you following me through my week and I thank God that you were my childhood best friend.

Remembering you.

Embrace

I need change. I need to change. I want to change.

These familiar thoughts echo through my head on an almost daily basis. My journey to fill my "emptiness" continues.

New Year's is often a time of change to more then just the calendar for many people. It's the time to make new resolutions, become motivated, and have a fresh start. This year, rather then making a cliche list of "needed" self improvements, I want to learn day by day, week by week to embrace who God has made me to be. 

My goal this week is to focus on encouraging thoughts and words. 

Psalm 139: 13-18
For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed. How precious are your thoughts about me, O God. They cannot be numbered! I can't even count them; they outnumber the grains of sand!

All I Can Do (Thank You) by MikesChair

I could write a love song

Tell You what I think you wanna hear

But it wouldn't be good enough, no

Yeah, I could try so hard

To give it everything I got

But I'm not ever gonna measure up

All I can do is thank You

For this life I never deserve

Wanna thank You for the grace

I know I don't have to earn

You love me, You love me

Your mercy is proof

All I can do is say thank You

All I can do is say thank You

It would have been easy

But I'm glad You never walked away

'Cause Your love runs deep for me

And I see this beautiful world

And it brings tears to my eyes

And I think it's beautiful to be free

All I can do is thank You

For this life I never deserve

Thank You for the grace

I know I don't have to earn

You love me, You love me

Your mercy is proof

All I can do is say thank You

All I can do is say thank You

Thank You for hope, for love

For all the ways You move

Thank you for everything You do

What else can I say but thank You?

Thank you 

I could write a love song

Tell You what I think you wanna hear

But it wouldn't be good enough

All I can do is thank You

For this life I never deserve

Wanna thank You for the grace

I know I don't have to earn

You love me, You love me

Your mercy is proof

All I can do is say thank You

All I can do is say thank You

To listen, follow this link: www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z1OE53ZMApQ‎

Emptiness...

For now this blank page stares back at me with so much emptiness. It's begging to be filled with meaning and thought. After all isn't that what a blog is for? Many changes have taken place over the last couple years when I decided to abandon this blog. The decision wasn't totally conscious. 

Like this page, some days more then others, I feel engulfed with emptiness too. This bold feeling has made a hole inside my heart. What am I lacking? I'm a newlywed. I love my job. I am blessed with a wonderful husband. A home over my head. A continued education. 

While the emptiness inside still remains a deeper question, I know the problem roots from the unintentional distance that I have created in my relationship with God. It's lukewarm and no longer satisfying. It needs immediate action. 

Living in a new town has been challenging. Left behind was my family, our church, my job, my friends, and any sort of normalcy. I knew it wouldn't be easy knowing the transition would also came with many new roles like being a wife, a first time apartment renter, a new job title, a new school, a new major and so much more. I have even taken on new interests like reading, knitting, baking, and a countless number of TV series. The person I have become through this transition has taught me to be independent. At times almost too independent. Even the person I have become has started to look unfamiliar. I didn't know the transition would take this long. While I can't complain that the ride hasn't been rather smooth, the sense of satisfaction lays far from me. Now more then ever, I thirst for it. 

It's time for action, a plan. A time to start filling my emptiness with the love of our Lord and Savior. 

"Oceans will rise and kingdoms will fall, but the word of the Lord stands FOREVER!" Isaiah 40:8 

We, my husband and I have been lacking fellowship. It's time again that we pick up from where we left off on our search to find a church we can call home again. A church filled with a sense of family, fellowship, and outreach. A church filled with encouragement and scripture. 

A new journey starts here. 

Praise!

One thing my mind has been pretty engulfed with lately has been the idea of praising God through everything, with everything. Does this Almighty God we have only deserve praise in the happy times, in the sad times? He's always working His plan. He's always looking at the big picture. He's always working things together for our good. Does that not deserve constant praise?


I've been reading through the book of Job this month. What a guy Job is. He's stripped of everything that he has yet He looks up towards God and praises Him. He's so solid on the foundation on which he stands. It blows my mind!

There are so many little things in life I pass by so often, and I don't even take the moments I have to praise God for them.

On my way to track practice Monday I headed outside a little early to scrap off the windows. As I scrapped them off, I looked closely at the snowflakes so perfectly placed on there. The thought that our God created every single one of those snowflakes is absolutely crazy to me. He's a God of such detail. The idea that He could tell me how many hairs are on my head while He has a million other things to take care of only reassures me that much more to hand over the pieces of my life to Him.

Tuesday as I headed to track practice I walked outside to what seemed to be a gloomy day. As I approached our parked car, I noticed the small drops of rain falling on it; only the day before was I scrapping off the windshield. As track presumed the slow mist stopped, the clouds abandoned the skies, and the sun took it's place. God has control. He has a plan. He can change the weather. He can change the heart. He can work miracles. Although the weather He controls is ever changing. The God of this universe isn't. He's constant. He's perfect.

Lately I've been praying for God to put a thirst in my heart to follow Him, to see a glimpse of His glory, and to see Him in everything. As I drove to practice today I couldn't believe the brightness of the sun. When I was younger, riding in the car, I'd always close my eyes to the glorious sun. It's instinct. As I drove on today, I wished to close my eyes, I thought of putting on some sunglasses in order to see better. Than it hit me. This is a taste of God's glory. This is only a small idea of how bright His glory actually shines. Today the perspective of the bright shining sun was different. I understood it as an answered prayer. A glimpse of His glory has always been right in front of me. It made me think: Is that what I do? Do I close my eyes to glory that God shines ever so brightly in front of me everyday? Do I play down the glory He displays in my life to be comfortable? My prayer has changed. Rather than seeing the glimpse of God's glory- I pray to be a reflection of God's glory. I pray to bring Him praise.

Don't forget to take time out of your day to praise God. He's glorious.

Modesty..? Yes, please. :)

Modesty is something I often wonder about. Every part of me believes that how you respect your body shows a reflection of who you are on the inside. As a girl I struggle to know the lines sometimes of where something becomes immodest. It's certainly not an excuse by any means though.

Credit goes to my friend, Jennie, for introducing me to this site. Check it out!
http://www.therebelution.com/modestysurvey/

-This site was a survey given to Christian guys ages 12 & up on the topic of modesty. They surveyed on approximately 148 questions that give a slight idea into the minds of guys, and the daily temptations they face concerning modesty for women. Girls, I highly encourage you to check it out. It's pretty eye opening.

What does God have to say about this?
"Do not rebuke an older man harshly, but exhort him as if he were your father. Treat younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, and younger women as sisters, with absolute purity." 1 Timothy 5:1-2

-Honestly there is something about this verse that makes me want to read it over, and over, and over, and you get the idea. The thought of treating older men and women as my father and mother, and younger men and women as my brothers and sisters is such a brilliant way to put it into perspective, and such an incredible call from God. Not only does He call on us to treat them as mothers, fathers, brothers and sisters, but with absolute purity- meaning not looking on others with lustful eyes, or causing others to look at you with lustful eyes.   

"Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies." 1 Corinthians 6:19-20

-Our bodies belong to God, and in order to redeem them He payed a price that was irreplaceable- the blood of His own son, so we could possibly be set free from bondage! The Holy Spirit resides in the center of a believers heart! He lives within us! When we dishonor our bodies, we aren't the only one it affects, it affects our pure, and holy Creator also. Should we not respect our bodies, and make it a place of luxury for him to reside?
Sisters in Christ, I encourage you to pray for your brothers in Christ that they may be able to keep their hearts pure. Dress modestly. Support them. Have their backs!

Brothers in Christ, I encourage you to pray for your sisters in Christ that we would respect our bodies the way Christ has intended us to do. Fight the temptation. We love you. We look up to you!

More thoughts to come as I'm jumping into the book of Job this month! I can hear God emphasize what I need to hear. It's a sweet melody to my ears. :)

Aquire the Fire, Bible, and Prayer. Some thoughts.

Acquire the Fire.

I won't lie. It was probably the best weekend of my life. The valley that I've so long been walking through, had now come to the beginning of the real climb of the mountain. I can't wait to see the view, but for now I am going to enjoy each step I take to the top. The worship, the concerts, the fellowship, and the unbelievable presence of God has me floating on the clouds. It was the extra spark to the fire that I have been thirsting for for the last while. Thank you God for the answered prayer.

For this month I'm reading through the book of Acts. There are 28 chapters, 28 days! It seemed perfect to me! Just some food for thought ten minutes of reading the Bible a day will be WAY more affective then the extra ten minutes you'll gain by not reading it. I promise.

Another thing that's been heavy on my heart lately has been prayer. I just want my conversation with God to be completely continual throughout the day, but with that a friend has been heavy on my heart lately. They are such a huge blessing, and influence on me so I plan to for the next year to pray for them everyday. I encourage anyone who feels called to do this for one of their friends to do the same! I'm very excited for this, and I'm overly excited to see the plans God has for their life!

It's Almost a New Year! :)

Well I hope everyone is having a great Christmas season, and break from school! :)

It's almost a new year! I'm sure everyone is pulling out their notebooks to start making new resolutions last minute. What I never understand is why does it have to be a new year in order for it to be a new start? What's wrong with a new start or a change in July, or April, or November for that matter? Anyway, I encourage you to find places in your relationship with God that need to be worked on, and make that a point of focus! For example if you don't find yourself getting into his word set a goal to read just a couple minutes or a chapter a night. Make a goal to set aside some time to just talk to Him, or if something is getting in the way of your relationship with Him try to slowly tear down the brick wall. Ask God what He wants. Make a change. :)

Grow. Love. Die daily to self.

More later. :)

Be blessed!